Why we live in California

Having lived in primarily white areas, I always felt very conscious of my race. Once we moved to CA, the significance of my being Asian just melted away. The San Francisco Bay Area is basically all different shades of brown, and almost everyone is from somewhere else. You hear many different languages and people don't complain about that--we celebrate it. (Most of us, anyway. There are rednecks even here)

So, it was concerning when Barley came home with a tale of another child doing the old slant-eyed routine at school. The chant went something like, "My daddy is Chinese" (pulling one eye up) and my mommy is Korean (pull other eye down), look what they did to my eyes (kid is now pulling eyes in opposite directions) DH was really very upset. Totally understandable. I wasn't thrilled about this either. (Although we did both have to smile that Barley started the discussion by asking DH if he was Chinese. DH's white skin comes from his German ancestry.)

But with 2 kids in school for 10+ years of preschool and public elementary school, for this to be the FIRST time that our kids have been confronted with racist teasing...I'm not that concerned. When most of Barley's class is Asian, Indian, Hispanic, middle-Eastern, etc., I don't think we have to worry about him being singled out for his race.

This is a far cry from my experience growing up. I was teased DAILY. There were 3 families of color whose children attended my entire school. And while I have obviously survived the playground ordeal, and am well and thriving in my adult life, there is NO doubt that the early childhood trauma of being racially harrassed every day has affected me. Some of the effect has been to my benefit: I am bold, brassy, and will not take crap from anyone. I learned early to stand up for myself, and when I didn't feel strong enough to fight back, I at least learned not to run away.

But I also learned how painful it is to be an outsider--I grew up thinking I was ugly, because I was different. There are areas where my lack of confidence has held me back, and opportunities I missed because I was too embarrassed or ashamed to try something. I like to think I've grown past all of that, but I know there are still times when old habits kick in.

So, this pleasant little jaunt down memory lane reminds me why we moved to California in the first place. The teacher took the issue seriously when I brought it to her attention, rather than just telling me "kids will be kids", like my mom got from my teachers and principal.

And I am very grateful that my boys will never feel "other" like I did. I love that Barley felt righteously indignant about this child's behavior, and that he did not just shrug and say he got teased again today. I hope he will always be appalled by racism.